The first thing we need to look at is how a couple
communicates with each other. Speaking the same language is not enough. For
instance, some people express love mainly through their words, others offer
practical help and care, others show affection physically. If partners’ way of
showing love is mismatched, they may have problems “getting through” to each
other, sabotaging their relationships.
Any strong emotion, such as anger, swamps the
mind’s ability to think clearly. This makes it impossible to understand
anything beyond the simplest ideas and expressions. Angry people have poor
relationships because do not listen. Instead they interpret what they hear
based on their own assumptions about the other person. When people get
unreasonably angry due to something their partner did or said, it’s usually
because this reminds them of some other situation, often in childhood. They
need help to see and hear their partner in the present day, as himself or
herself, not some other person.
When we’re angry, we can easily remember other
situations when we were angry, while forgetting times when we felt different-
even if those times happen much more often.
Hypnosis can help you to control your emotional
reactions, and thus be able to think clearly and improve communication. It can
help for anger management, so long as the person realises that anger is their
problem and not just someone else’s fault.
Some people approach me, looking for a “quick fix”
for their relationship, expecting me to hypnotise their partner to “make them”
behave differently. I always refuse these requests, because therapy is not a
means of manipulating one partner for the other’s convenience.