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Hypnotherapy Blog
Anxiety and Personal Values
In this news post I’ll be discussing the role of “values” in the generation of anxiety. By “values” I mean our ideas about what “ought to be”, how we should behave, what we feel entitled to, and so on.
Values are absolutely necessary to a decent life. All sensible people will avoid any dealings with a person who appears to have to moral values, because we know that such a person can’t be trusted. They will let us down when we are most in need of their support, as they care only for their own selfish interests.
For this reason we cannot reduce our anxieties by giving up our values, and just drifting through life responding to our own needs, like an animal. Nonetheless we do need to look at our values to see if they are realistic and achievable. If we make impossible demands on life, we guarantee permanent disappointment for ourselves.
I will now discuss two examples of impossible demands that cause great unhappiness. Firstly, some people demand from life that they should never be anxious or afraid. They expect life to be always easy and peaceful. But even if such a life were possible, it would be intolerably dull. Any new experience will cause some anxiety in the short term, until we have got used to it. In previous articles I’ve discussed how the feelings we call “anxiety” can be relabelled as “excitement” or “anticipation”. This will make it easier to press on into new experiences.
A second common demand that people make on life is the demand that everyone should always like them. In reality, the only way to avoid ever being disliked would be to have no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever, like the blank-faced dummies on which clothes are displayed in shop windows! Do you like everyone you ever meet? Of course not! Would you feel attracted to every person of the opposite sex (or same sex if you are gay) whom you might ever meet? Of course you don’t- so why should everyone find you attractive?
These are just two examples of the unrealistic ideas that many people have about what “ought to be”. Taking time to examine your own values can therefore help clear the way towards a more fulfilling life.